


team let burpees choke

by bokutoma



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Depressed Lance (Voltron), Genderfluid Pidge | Katie Holt, Human Allura (Voltron), Hunk (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith and Shiro are Adoptive Siblings, Lance (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Multi, Pining Keith (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Slow Burn, a bunch of others later, group chat fic oops, haha nice alliteration, sorry I like angst, this is mostly me venting via voltron
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-04-03 21:47:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 8,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14005494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokutoma/pseuds/bokutoma
Summary: shenanigans ensue when pidge makes a group chat in honor of their first year of high school





	1. first day worst day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chaos begins
> 
> (pidge makes the group chat, everyone meets for the first time, someone gets a little testy, keithy boy gets a crush)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheeriogane - shiro  
> gun holtster - matt  
> kogurt - keith  
> lord of the legs - lance  
> elvis's top hit - hunk  
> pidge podge - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

**pidge podge** _added_ **kogurt, lord of the legs, gun holtster, elvis's top hit, cheeriogane, and blue eyes white dragon** _to_ **FIRST DAY WORST DAY**

**FIRST DAY WORST DAY**

**pidge podge:**  sup fuckers

 **pidge podge:**  really sucks to have the first day of school again right

 **kogurt:**  pidge...it's after spring break.

 **lord of the legs:** p-pidge-sama.... it's after spring break desu

 **kogurt:** who the fuck even is this.

 **kogurt:** who are any of these people i only know matt and shiro....and i'm guessing allura?

 **lord of the legs:** the name's lancey lance

 **lord of the legs:** bleasure to make your acquaintance, m'person of unknown gender

 **kogurt** _left_

 **pidge podge**   _added_ **kogurt** _to the chat_

 **pidge podge:**  stay, or the sweatshirt you left at my house gets it

 **pidge podge:** ANYWAY

 **pidge podge:** this is my group chat because i know people other than your lame ass to add to it now, keith

 **gun holtster:** what am i, chopped mothman?

 **kogurt:** DO NOT EVEN JOKE

 **pidge podge:** that would make you more valuable, matt

 **gun holtster:** that's fair

 **lord of the legs:** ooh, is this the famous matt?? i already know we're going to be besties

 **gun holtster:** as long as you're cooler than keith

 **gun holtster:** not hard tho

 **kogurt:** i fucking hate this chat

 **lord of the legs:** aw keithy boy :((

 **kogurt:** fuck off

 **lord of the legs:** that's valid

 **cheeriogane:** what's this?

 **gun holtster:** owo

 **lord of the legs:** perish.

 **cheeriogane:** pidge, aren't you supposed to be in school? you too, keith.

 **elvis's top hit:** uhhhh pidge?

 **elvis's top hit:** i know lance, but who are these other people?

 **pidge podge:** 1) shut up shiro 2) role call!

 **pidge podge:** i'm pidge, you all know me, but my pronouns are they/them today! also i'm a sophomore. skipped a grade, bitches

 **lord of the legs:** i guess i'll go next :D

 **lord of the legs:** my name's lance! i'm a junior, and my pronouns are he/him!

 **lord of the legs:** fun fact, i'm bilingual  _and_ bisexual

 **cheeriogane:**...

 **cheeriogane:** my name is shiro, my pronouns are he/him, i'm keith's brother, and if you get in trouble, katie, i'll laugh in your face. i'm a senior in college

 **pidge podge:** these people are already my bitches i'll be fine B)

 **gun holtster:** i'm mathematics holt, he/him, the elder demon, and if katie gets in trouble, i'll spy lift them out of school. i'm also a senior in college

 **elvis's top hit:** uhhhh i'm hunk! he/him, chef extraordinaire, and lance's best friend, also a junior!

 **lord of the legs:**   _hunk_ <333333333333333

 **kogurt:** why though

 **lord of the legs:** </3

 **blue eyes white dragon:** oh, are we doing intros? i just got caught up!

 **lord of the legs:** LURA!!

 **lord of the legs:** i missed you :((( all these unknown people are horribly mean

**pidge podge:** @kogurt

**kogurt:** i said what i said

 **pidge podge:** that's fair

 **blue eyes white dragon:** leave my son a l o n e

 **lord of the legs:** <333333

 **blue eyes white dragon:** anyway, i'm allura! my pronouns are she/her, and i'm a junior in college!

 **kogurt:** i guess that just leaves me

 **lord of the legs:** yeah, hurry up,  _keith_

 **kogurt:** i

 **kogurt:** am

 **kogurt:** keith

 **pidge podge:** keith, i will  _end you_

 **kogurt:** keith, he/him, junior, fuck all y'all

**lord of the legs:** _all y'all_

**gun holtster:** all y'all

**kogurt** _left_

**pidge podge:** now look what you've done

 **elvis's top hit:** happy first day back, pidge

**pidge podge:** _thank you hunk_


	2. pidge deserves more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pidge isn't quite as tough as they like to appear sometimes
> 
> aka "would everyone just be fucking nice for one sec while i vent"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheeriogane - shiro  
> gun holtster - matt  
> kogurt - keith  
> lord of the legs - lance  
> elvis's top hit - hunk  
> pidge podge - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

**FIRST DAY WORST DAY**

**pidge podge** _added_ **kogurt** _to the chat!_

 **pidge podge:**  okay but fr

 **pidge podge:** i made this bc surprise surprise i am a Teen with Needs

 **pidge podge:** so if everyone (keith and lance) could get along for one fucking sec so i can rant

 **lord of the legs:** whatever you need, pidgey-o

 **gun holtster:** do i have to use my Adult Powers to kick some ass

 **cheeriogane:** you poured your milk before your cereal this morning i don't think you have adult powers

 **pidge podge:** he makes a good point

 **pidge podge:** but! let me SPEAK

 **lord of the legs:** you heard them! >:( 

 **lord of the legs:** wait is this about what happened earlier

 **pidge podge:** YES

 **lord of the legs:** OH FUCK THAT NOISE I WAS ABOUT TO GO OFF ON THOSE UGLY BITCHES

 **kogurt:** can you let pidge tell the fucking story

 **lord of the legs:** my bad, sub quality yogurt snack

 **elvis's top hit:** Let Pidge Speak

 **pidge podge:** anyway

 **pidge podge:** i was minding my own fucking business, right? just out here in the hallway, wearing a dress today bc i felt fem today or idk like?? up to wearing a dress since dresses aren't just for female identifying folks

 **pidge podge:** and fucking morvok??? has the nerve to comment on how flat my chest is and how regardless of what i "am" i'll look ugly no matter the gender and i??? i haven't felt comfortable wearing a dress in so long and a fucking dumbass who got held back  _at least once_ because he didn't give enough of a fuck to show up to class ruined that for me

 **pidge podge:** and i let him

 **kogurt:** where the fuck was i i would have ended that fucker with my bare fucking hands

 **cheeriogane:** same tbh. ://

 **pidge podge:** it was after second period on the way to a lunch. i was with lance, so it wasn't bad

 **elvis's top hit:** i'm surprised lance doesn't have a black eye from mouthing off

 **lord of the legs:** if pidge didn't need a friendly face more than a laugh at morvok's expense he would be dead in a ditch rn

 **lord of the legs:** but if he so much as looks at them wrong again i'll cut his tiny dick off

 **elvis's top hit:** lance....physical confrontation scares you

 **lord of the legs:** i'm a bad bitch he can't kill me

 **pidge podge:** let keith do the confrontations

 **cheeriogane:** _do not_

 **cheeriogane:** seriously, though, pidge, that's ridiculous that he gets to speak to you that way. is there any way you can speak to any members of the administration?

 **kogurt:** shiro, the administration is a shitshow even when they don't have anything to do it's not like pidge has anyone other than us to care about them

 **kogurt:** pidgey, come over and we'll watch a movie and plan morvok's demise

 **pidge podge:** can we binge buzzfeed unsolved

 **kogurt:** hell fucking yeah

 **gun holtster:** i respect your decision to not say anything, katie, but if the morvoks wake up to find their son's tires have been slashed, i would celebrate

 **cheeriogane:** matt no

 **pidge podge:** matt yes

 

_lord of the legs > kogurt_

**lord of the legs:** are you guys still at school

 **lord of the legs:** i'm omw to baskins to get pidge some mint chip and idk where you live if you leave now

 **kogurt:** yeah

 **kogurt:** thanks for being there for them

 **lord of the legs:** i wouldn't leave them alone to defend themselves from bullshit like that for a million dollars

 **kogurt:** good

 **lord of the legs:** while i'm here, do you want anything

 **lord of the legs:** ugh you probably like vanilla or smth like that

 **kogurt:** scoop of strawberry

 **kogurt:** vanilla is for assholes

 **lord of the legs:** my point stands

 **lord of the legs:** b there in 10 at the most

 **kogurt:** dickweed


	3. stressy boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lance has a competition coming up, and he's fucking screwed
> 
> aka the chapter where i vent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheeriogane - shiro  
> gun holtster - matt  
> kogurt - keith  
> lord of the legs - lance  
> elvis's top hit - hunk  
> pidge podge - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

**FIRST DAY WORST DAY**

**lord of the legs** _changed the chat name to_ **end me i crave death**

 **kogurt:** mood

 **elvis's top hit:** what's wrong my son

 **lord of the legs:** MY OI COMPETITION IS FUCKEN MONDAY AND IM GONNA FUCKEN CRY MY PIECES ARE TOO LONG AND I ONLY HAVE ONE INTRO MEMORIZED AND I MISSED CLASS YESTERDAY BECAUSE I WAS CRYING AND NOW KOLIVAN IS PISSED AT ME AND IM GONNA CRY I CANT FUCNFJA DEAL I WANT TO CRY SO SO MUCH WHY DID I THINK I COULD DO THIS

 **elvis's top hit:** lance 

 **elvis's top hit:** babe

 **elvis's top hit:** best friend

 **elvis's top hit:** you've been working so hard! literally i sat out there while you read your pieces to kolivan and he was impressed! he's never impressed! i could feel  _everything_ that you were trying to convey to me! kolivan thinks you're gonna kill it, but i  _know_ you will!

 **cheeriogane:** not to detract from what hunk said, but what's oi?

 **lord of the legs:** hhhhh it's oral interpretation 

 **lord of the legs:** basically i read either prose or poetry (i'm competing in poetry this year) and i act out what i read kinda???

 **lord of the legs:** for poetry i weave together a couple of poems to either inform or persuade on a topic and my topics that i picked are religion and gender identity and i love the pieces but i entered the class late this year because i wasn't sure if kolivan would want me since i'm also in his creative writing class hhhhhhhh and i love doing this kind of stuff but also what if i'm not up to snuff???  _fuck i'm gonna do so bad i'm gonna cry in front of the judges_

 **cheeriogane:** lance, i don't even have to know you in person to know that you're going to kill it at this competition.

 **gun holtster:** lance i had koli boy for debate and?? if hunk thinks he even looked  _like he wasn't dead_ then you're gonna fuckin m u r d e r those ugly hoes

 **gun holtster:** look i know debaters talk a lotta shit and idk if that's contributing to u feeling this way but i have mad respect for itnepers

 **kogurt:** itnerpers

 **elvis's top hit:** itnerpers

 **lord of the legs:** ahhhh thanks matt there's this one debate kid who's a real fuck but i'm trying not to let him bother me it's rly just my own anxietea

 **blue eyes white dragon:** bby who

 **lord of the legs:** uhhh idk if u know lotor??? daibazaal or smth fuckin extra like that

 **blue eyes white dragon:** that ugly bitch??? the son of the fucking dickweed zarkon????

 **blue eyes white dragon:** end him

 **kogurt:** i'll do it for you i hate him

 **lord of the legs:** keithy boy distract me from my problems with the piping hot tea

 **kogurt:** tf

 **kogurt:** there's not much to say he's just a dick

 **pidge podge:** also didn't he steal ur last almost boyf

 **kogurt:** you come into this chat only to slander my good name??? rude

 **lord of the legs:** that's rough buddy :(

 **cheeriogane:** OH i was wondering why he sounded familiar, and then i remembered you called him loreal for weeks.

 **lord of the legs:** loreal deserves better she makes me hair soft

 **pidge podge:** me hair

 **lord of the legs:** shush pidgey

 **lord of the legs:** thanks for letting me vent u guys i know it was kinda dumb

 **cheeriogane:** of course, lance. it's not dumb if it bothers you.

 **gun holtster:** maim those headasses

 

_gun holtster > lord of the legs_

**gun holtster:** pidge's phone just died so on behalf of the Holt Sibs you're gonna end those motherfuckers

 **lord of the legs:** thanks matthewmatics

 **lord of the legs:** i appreciate it :)

 **gun holtster:** come over to Holt House and we'll watch cheesy disney movies and i can finally meet pidge's goof friend

 **lord of the legs:** i will

 **lord of the legs:** thanks

 **gun holtster** _changed_   **lord of the legs** _to_ **slayer of uglies**

 **gun holtster:** no prob brofriend

 

**end me i crave death**

**cheeriogane:** matt, why can i not get inside the house?

 **gun holtster:** 1) because you don't call her Holt House like she deserves

 **gun holtster:** 2) it's lance's fault

 **slayer of uglies:** wtf untrue you were the one who wanted to put the chair under the doorknob so ursula didn't climb out of the sea and strangle you

**kogurt:** _what the fuck_

**elvis's top hit:** did you rope matt into reading disney creepypasta

 **pidge podge:** actually matt pulled it up first

 **pidge podge:** we delved into my bookmarks

 **kogurt:** y'all are dumbasses you should be more worried about jafar

**slayer of uglies:** _oh fuck he's right_

**gun holtster:** _keith what the fuck we haven't even gotten to aladdin yet_

**cheeriogane:** just let me in the fucking house 

 **pidge podge:** jesus not w that attitude

 **kogurt:** let me in i'm with him and i have a couple good little mermaid creepypastas i found while looking for them for pidge

 **gun holtster:** omw


	4. school squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pidge finally brings the Teens together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheeriogane - shiro  
> gun holtster - matt  
> kogurt - keith  
> slayer of uglies - lance  
> elvis's top hit - hunk  
> pidge podge - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

**pidge podge** _added_ **slayer of uglies, elvis's top hit, and kogurt** _to_ **SCHOOL BINCHES**

**SCHOOL BINCHES**

**pidge podge:** it's about fucking time we eat together you assholes

 **slayer of uglies:** i mean i'm down??? as long as u got some sessy snacks for me

 **elvis's top hit:** i do! some brownies i baked sprinkles in somehow

 **elvis's top hit:** honestly a miracle i thought i fucked up the recipe

 **slayer of uglies:** you could never

 **kogurt:** where do y'all sit

 **pidge podge:** usually in the library? or upstairs if antok is being bitchy

 **slayer of uglies:** when is he  _not_ being bitchy

 **kogurt:** idk i like antok

 **slayer of uglies:** you would

 **elvis's top hit:** a lunch told me that antok is having a rough day

 **pidge podge:** ugh then we need to hurry to get a good seat upstairs

 **slayer of uglies:** it's always the ugly sophomores who sit up there

 **slayer of uglies:** they're so loud

 **kogurt:** uh i usually sit by the apush hallway??  in the little nook by the coaches' classes

 **kogurt:** if you wanna sit there

 **slayer of uglies:** ooh damn keith coming out with the hot ideas

 **pidge podge:** meet at the bottom of the west stairs????

 **elvis's top hit:** sounds good

 

_kogurt > pidge podge_

**kogurt:** wtf?!?!??!?

 **pidge podge:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **kogurt:** pidge this is a serious betrayal

 **kogurt:** jesus christ you didn't tell me he was hot?!?!?

 **pidge podge:** ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **kogurt:** fuck fuck fuck and i was an asshole because i didn't want to seem overeager

 **kogurt:** he HATES me now pidge 

 **kogurt:** what the fuck do i do

 **kogurt:** god like you care you set me up for this on purpose

 **pidge podge:** hey i didn't make you be a dick

 **pidge podge:** keith

 **pidge podge:** ugh dick

 **pidge podge:** ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͠°)

 

_slayer of uglies > elvis's top hit_

**slayer of uglies:** wtf was jeith's problem

 **elvis's top hit:** jean keith

 **slayer of uglies:** lmao

 **slayer of uglies:** seriously though

 **slayer of uglies:** all i did was wave?? and he told me i looked dumb

 **elvis's top hit:** maybe he was trying to tell a joke?? lighten the mood?? idk he's probably just shy

 **slayer of uglies:** thanks for playing devil's advocate now feel 4 me????????

 **elvis's top hit:** yeah it was pretty shitty i'm sorry lance

 **elvis's top hit:** try not to hold it against him?? if he's pidge's friend he probably isn't a bad guy

 **slayer of uglies:** too late

 **slayer of uglies:** but i'll try not to be rude for you, hunk o' love

 **elvis's top hit:** that's all i ask tbh

 

 


	5. lance is god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the squad realizes that they forgot to ask lance how his oi competition went, aka i forgot to tell you how my oi competition went
> 
> can't believe this is just my vent fic ://

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheeriogane - shiro  
> gun holtster - matt  
> kogurt - keith  
> slayer of uglies - lance  
> elvis's top hit - hunk  
> pidge podge - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

**end me i crave death**

**gun holtster:** holy shit???? y'all we fuckin FORGOT to ask hunk and lance how they did at oi

 **pidge podge:** it was on the lioncast apparently but nobody paid attention??

 **pidge podge:** @elvis's top hit @slayer of uglies how did u both do

 **elvis's top hit:** we did really well!

 **elvis's top hit:** i got top in prose!

 **gun holtster:** DAMN BOY

 **pidge podge** _changed_ **elvis's top hit** _to_ **REGION MAN**

 **REGION MAN:** lance got fourth in poetry!! he's first alternate for regionals i'm so proud of him holy crap

 **kogurt:** he didn't medal?

 **slayer of uglies:** jesus fucking christ keith maybe you could save your being a dick for things i'm not already upset about???

 **slayer of uglies:** my finals piece was about religion and how people abuse god for their own gain, and this bitch ass old white lady apparently didn't like me saying "i don't like jesus" and ignored the entirety of the rest of my piece because the other judges ranked me well and were laughing at my comedic timing while this bitter bitch sat stone faced and gave the white girl third fucking place even though the other judges dq'd her

 **slayer of uglies:** not to mention one of the other judges tried to hit on me! and made me deeply uncomfortable because he was touching my leg and shit! so fuck you, keith kogane. that was my first fucking competition and i did my best

 **slayer of uglies**   _left_

 **gun holtster:** holy shit

 **cheeriogane:** keith

 **kogurt:** i didn't mean anything by it what the fuck

 **kogurt:** i was just surprised he seems like that would be his thing i didn't mean to make him upset

 **cheeriogane:** i know, keith, but he doesn't know you that well

 **REGION MAN:** i wasn't there since i was competing but lotor was since he didn't have any events?? and he said it was really creepy how much the youngest judge was looking at him

 **REGION MAN:** lance has a bad history with shit like that, not to mention that he wants to win based on his talent, not his looks

 **REGION MAN:** you couldn't have known, keith. i'll get him some ice cream and we'll have a movie night, and i'm sure he'll be fine later

 **REGION MAN:** add me back later, but i gotta dip for solidarity's sake

**REGION MAN** _left_

**gun holtster:** well this is a goddamn mess

 **cheeriogane:** that's not helpful, matt

 **pidge podge:** is anything helpful at this point

 **kogurt:** fuck this

 **blue eyes white dragon:** wtf do you all even know how to function without me in this chat

 **gun holtster:** no

 

_REGION MAN > slayer of uglies_

**REGION MAN:** hey buddy

 **REGION MAN:** open up, i've got some birthday cake ice cream

 **slayer of uglies:** i don't know if i'm mad at keith or mad at myself or just

 **slayer of uglies:** idk

 **REGION MAN:** the door, lance

 **slayer of uglies:** let me live, i just wanted to make a joke before i go back to being miserable

-

 **REGION MAN:** you okay, buddy?

 **slayer of uglies:** sorry for making you text, just don't feel like talking anymore

 **REGION MAN:** hey you gotta do what you gotta do

 **REGION MAN:** but you wanted my advice, so i think you gotta talk to keith

 **REGION MAN:** i really don't think he meant what you think he meant, even if he was kind of a dick one time

 **REGION MAN:** you guys just have the banter vibe going on, and he seemed honestly more surprised than mocking

 **slayer of uglies:** ugh, fine

 

_cheeriogane > kogurt_

**cheeriogane:** keith?

 **cheeriogane:** i bought some honey butter chips for dinner earlier today

 **cheeriogane:** and allura helped me make poke bowls

 **cheeriogane:** yours is on the table

 **cheeriogane:** keith, if you don't want to come down, that's fine, but don't turn up your music. you know i don't like that group

 **kogurt:** ugh fuck off i gotta scream some sleeping with sirens into my pillow

 **cheeriogane:** ://

 **cheeriogane:** lance will forgive you. hunk just said he wasn't in the right frame of mind

 **kogurt:** _i'm_ not the one who needs to apologize

 **cheeriogane:** keith

 **kogurt:** shiro

 **kogurt:** i wasn't being rude

 **kogurt:** fuck him

 **cheeriogane:** keith seriously

_your message was not delivered!_

**cheeriogane:** fuck

_your message was not delivered!_

 

_REGION MAN > cheeriogane_

**REGION MAN:** lance is willing to talk to keith soon!!

 **cheeriogane:** well fuck, because keith doesn't want anything but an apology from lance

 **REGION MAN:** sigh

 **REGION MAN:** i wash my hands of this tonight

 **cheeriogane:** same

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOF y'all 31 kudos??? tysm i'm just memeing around   
> your comments feed my soul and i'm living well please send me more i love talking to you
> 
> also!! i'm almost done with a playlist for this fic. do y'all want it???


	6. yikies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lance does his best to apologize

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheeriogane - shiro  
> gun holtster - matt  
> kogurt - keith  
> slayer of uglies - lance  
> REGION MAN - hunk  
> pidge podge - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

**end me i crave death**

**pidge podge** _added_ **slayer of uglies** _and_ **REGION MAN** _to the chat_

**pidge podge:**  anyway, how u all doin

 **slayer of uglies:** listen i wanna apologize for overreacting like that. i didn't have a good day, and i wasn't proud of myself, and i took that out on u guys, and i'm sorry for that

 **gun holtster:** 'tis chill, bruh

 **REGION MAN:** buddy, if i can watch you attempt to dance every part of the nutcracker at once, this is no big deal

 **cheeriogane:** thanks, lance

 **blue eyes white dragon:** we understand, lance

 **blue eyes white dragon:** i'm sorry that you had to deal with that

 **slayer of uglies:** it's fine i'll get past it

 **slayer of uglies:** i love you guys so much

 

_slayer of uglies > kogurt_

**slayer of uglies:** hey keith

 **slayer of uglies:** i wanted to apologize for being a dick

 **kogurt:** good

 **kogurt:** you were a massive asshole

 **slayer of uglies:** i

 **slayer of uglies:** i guess i deserve that

 **slayer of uglies:** sorry

 **slayer of uglies:** i won't bother you anymore

 

_pidge podge > kogurt _

**pidge podge:** keith

 **pidge podge:** lance just left class

 **pidge podge:** hunk thinks he was crying

 **pidge podge:** what did you do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing the summary, i accidentally typed "lance dies" and was very tempted to keep it  
> same thing really
> 
> also??? 40 kudos???? i'm in love with y'all
> 
> playlist?? yay or nay?


	7. lance is not god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dammit keith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheeriogane - shiro  
> gun holtster - matt  
> kogurt - keith  
> slayer of uglies - lance  
> REGION MAN - hunk  
> pidge podge - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

_kogurt > pidge podge_

**kogurt:** i didn't  _do_ anything, pidge

 **kogurt:** why the fuck would you even think it has anything to do with me

 **pidge podge:** lance said he was going to apologize to you, he pulled out his phone, typed some, then got up and left

 **pidge podge:** just logical deduction, keith

 **pidge podge:** also, don't be a dipshit. there's no fucking way that anything lance said hurt you badly enough that you're actually angry

 **pidge podge:** keith

 **pidge podge:** dammit keith

 

_kogurt > cheeriogane_

**kogurt:** i think i fucked up

 **cheeriogane:** are you safe?

 **kogurt:** yes

 **cheeriogane:** okay?

 **kogurt:** i don't think so

 **cheeriogane:** what's wrong

**kogurt** _sent (1) screenshot_

**cheeriogane:** oh keith

 **cheeriogane:** he was just trying to apologize

 **cheeriogane:** i'll be honest, though, i was expecting something much worse

 **kogurt:** pidge said he left class

**kogurt** _sent (1) screenshot_

**cheeriogane:** but it did hurt?

 **kogurt:** what

 **cheeriogane:** you didn't mean to hurt his feelings at all, so the fact that he took it that way and yelled at you

 **cheeriogane:** it hurt, right?

 **kogurt:** yeah, shiro

 **kogurt:** it did

 **cheeriogane:** safe to stay in school?

 **kogurt:** i think so

 **cheeriogane:** okay to stay in school?

 **kogurt:** i don't know

 **cheeriogane:** give me an hour, buddy

 **cheeriogane:** just until i get out of class, and then i can pick you up

 **kogurt:** don't you have work?

 **cheeriogane:** i've got an hour to kill

 **cheeriogane:** we can even get smoothies

 **cheeriogane:** you've got this, keith

 **kogurt:** thanks shiro

 

_REGION MAN > pidge podge_

**REGION MAN:** found him!

 **REGION MAN:** he's fine, he's in the bathroom, i've got him

 **pidge podge:** thank god

 **pidge podge:** scale?

 **REGION MAN:** about a seven and a half when i found him, and like a five ish now

 **pidge podge:** good

 **REGION MAN:** hey uh

 **REGION MAN:** is keith leaving school?

 **pidge podge:** what why

 **REGION MAN:** i mean, he just passed the bathroom, and he had his backpack

 **pidge podge:** today has been a fucker

 **REGION MAN:** amen


	8. self care is important

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keith takes a day for himself and apologizes to his friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheeriogane - shiro  
> gun holtster - matt  
> kogurt - keith  
> slayer of uglies - lance  
> REGION MAN - hunk  
> pidge podge - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

_kogurt > cheeriogane_

**kogurt:** i'm not feeling safe anymore shiro where are you

 **cheeriogane:** pulling up to the school keith

 **cheeriogane:** give me a second i'm coming

 

_kogurt > pidge podge_

**kogurt:** you're supposed to be my best friend, pidge

* * *

 

"I've got you, Keith."

* * *

 

_cheeriogane > blue eyes white dragon_

**cheeriogane:** i hate to ask, lura

 **blue eyes white dragon:** should i bring soup

 **cheeriogane:** and some fried chicken, if you could

 **cheeriogane:** god, i don't know what we would do without you

 **blue eyes white dragon:** perish

 **cheeriogane:** god probably

 **blue eyes white dragon:** i can't stay, though

 **blue eyes white dragon:** i already told hunk that i would go hang out and watch movies with lance

 **blue eyes white dragon:** he's exhausted, bless him

 **cheeriogane:** shit okay

 **cheeriogane:** i guess i'll ask matt

 **blue eyes white dragon:** try not to worry, shiro. keith will be fine

 **cheeriogane:** i know

 

_cheeriogane > gun holtster_

**cheeriogane:** gshieugh

 **gun holtster:** that bad, huh?

 **gun holtster:** katie told me keith left but she's mad at him so i don't know the story

 **cheeriogane:** would it be possible for you to stay with keith while i'm at work

 **cheeriogane:** allura is going to lance's already

 **cheeriogane:** i'm too worried to leave keith alone

 **gun holtster:** shit uh yeah

 **gun holtster:** pidgester won't be pleased but i promise not to take them

 **cheeriogane:** god you're PERFECT matt

 **gun holtster:** don't i know it

 

_kogurt > slayer of uglies_

**kogurt:** i'm sorry lance

 **kogurt:** you were just trying to apologize for a reaction i should have understood

 **kogurt:** maybe you didn't know, but i'm a little hotheaded

 **kogurt:** dumb joke

 **kogurt:** anyway

 **kogurt:** i'm sorry. i'm a gigantic shitbag, and i really appreciate you

 **kogurt:** don't let me being stupid and irrational affect you

 **kogurt:** i'm sorry

 **slayer of uglies:** i forgive you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://open.spotify.com/user/halcyosu/playlist/4nAzLxzIdZzbhtXZPZ7ofL
> 
> here you go, lovelies  
> also OOH SHIT DOG it's uhhhh fuckin going down  
> soft klance coming soon methinks


	9. forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keith is soft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheeriogane - shiro  
> gun holtster - matt  
> kogurt - keith  
> slayer of uglies - lance  
> REGION MAN - hunk  
> pidge podge - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

_kogurt > slayer of uglies_

**kogurt:** you don't have to forgive me, lance

 **kogurt:** i was shitty

 **slayer of uglies:** lol i'm usually shitty

 **kogurt:** sounds fake but okay

 **kogurt:** but seriously

 **kogurt:** it's okay if you don't forgive me

 **slayer of uglies:** i stole lura's phone and saw her texts with shiro

 **slayer of uglies:** it's not like you're having a better time of it than me

 **kogurt:** rude

 **kogurt:** but true i guess

 **slayer of uglies:** thanks keithy <3

 **slayer of uglies:** i would have talked to you again regardless of whether you apologized

 **slayer of uglies:** how else am i supposed to make fun of gogurt

 **kogurt:** gogurt  _is_ pretty shitty

 **kogurt:** don't tell anyone i said that though

 **kogurt:** shiro buys goldfish because he thinks i'd rather have gogurt

 **slayer of uglies:** devious

 **slayer of uglies:** i like it

 **slayer of uglies** _changed_ **kogurt** _to_ **devilgane**

 **devilgane:** i like it. it's on brand

 **slayer of uglies:** nothing but the best for my new fave

 **devilgane:** oh

 **devilgane:** thanks, lance

 

_slayer of uglies > REGION MAN_

**slayer of uglies:** huuuuuunk

 **slayer of uglies:** keith and i made up

 **slayer of uglies:** but i wanted to thank you

 **slayer of uglies:** you're really the best friend i could have ever asked for

 **slayer of uglies:** sleep well hunky boy

 

_devilgane > cheeriogane_

**devilgane:** fuck

 **cheeriogane:** are you okay????

 **cheeriogane:** also?? name change

 **devilgane:** yeah lance and i amde up

 **devilgane:** also, lance

 **cheeriogane:** oh

 **cheeriogane:** ohhhhhhhhhhhh

 **cheeriogane:** ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **devilgane:** shut the fuck up shiro

**devilgane** _changed_ **cheeriogane** _to_ **the worst**

**the worst:**  finally, the self hating name i deserve

 **devilgane:** shiro no

 **the worst:** shiro yes

 **the worst:** but haha keith has a cruuuush~

 **devilgane:** okay but i didn't use ~ unironically

 **the worst:** you know what, that's fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we been knew keithy boy
> 
> also 71 kudos jsakguighegi ily all so much


	10. keith and lance take randall's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keith has to spend time with his crush or he'll spontaneously combust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the worst - shiro  
> gun holtster - matt  
> devilgane - keith  
> slayer of uglies - lance  
> REGION MAN - hunk  
> pidge podge - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

**SCHOOL BINCHES**

**slayer of uglies:** GOOD MORNING BITCHES

**slayer of uglies** _changed_ **REGION MAN** _to_ **asiago cheese bagel**

**slayer of uglies:** because he's perfect

 **asiago cheese bagel:** i can't make the run today lance :((((

 **slayer of uglies:** HUNK NOO D: i can't make the run alone

 **devilgane:** what

 **slayer of uglies:** KEITH

 **slayer of uglies:** light of my fucking life, moon to my sun, scorpio to my leo

 **slayer of uglies:** will u please go to randall's with me

 **devilgane:** hgaiuier sure??

 **pidge podge:** get me the good stuff

**devilgane** _changed_ **pidge podge** _to_ **triple espresso**

**slayer of uglies:** they dead

 **triple espresso:** gee i sure hope so

 **slayer of uglies:** keith i'll pick u up??/

 **slayer of uglies:** wait idk where you live

 **devilgane:** erhihreire allura came over with coffee i can just ask her for directions to your house

 **devilgane:** i'll pick you up

 **triple espresso:** oooOoOoOOoOh

 **triple espresso:** lance keith has a bike~

 **slayer of uglies:** WHAT iragioeheiur

 **asiago cheese bagel:** keith, lance has a thing for guys on bikes

 **devilgane:** iogeraiogear

 **devilgane:** shiro is taking the bike today :((

 **triple espresso:** DOES THAT MEAN YOU HAVE THE 4RUNNER

 **devilgane:** she'll be 22 in october

 **slayer of uglies:** KEITH I DON'T WANT TO DIE

 **triple espresso:** it's actually pretty reliable b

 **slayer of uglies:** ugh i guess i'll deal for bagels

 **devilgane:** i'll pick you up in ten??

 **slayer of uglies:** see ya then, keithy

 

_devilgane > the worst_

_devilgane sent (3) screenshots_

**the worst:** AHAHAHAHHAHAAHHA

 **the worst:** how hard did you blush when he did the whole moon to my sun thing

 **the worst:** jesus christ this is making my entire morning

 **the worst:** aw keithy i'm sorry i didn't know the love of your life had a thing for bikes or i wouldn't be taking it this week

 **devilgane:** don't call me keithy

 **the worst:** BOY THE FUCK

 **the worst:** damn some boy comes into your life and he already has more rights than me, your own fucking brother

 **devilgane:** why do i tell you anything

 **the worst:**  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

_the worst > gun holtster_

_the worst sent (4) screenshots_

**gun holtster:** AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA _  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK
> 
> my best friend got mad that i changed keith's name should keith have a return of the snack themed nicknames  
> ALSO 88 kudos holy shit fhsgusheruih y'all i'm just memeing


	11. dweebsus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lance tries to get keith to open up a little

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the worst - shiro  
> gun holtster - matt  
> devilgane - keith  
> slayer of uglies - lance  
> asiago cheese bagel - hunk  
> triple espresso - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

**SCHOOL BINCHES**

**slayer of uglies:** snnnnnzzzz

 **triple espresso:** RANDY YOUR STICKS

 **slayer of uglies:** i'm gonna go blind this classroom is too damn bright

 **devilgane:** literally the same brightness as everywhere else in the school

 **slayer of uglies:** i know u would think they'd be kind enough to turn out the lights sometimes

 **triple espresso:** i can't see that physics lab had me staring at a lightbulb

 **slayer of uglies:** haha i love being BLIND

 **devilgane:** literally wtf

 **asiago cheese bagel:** ^

 **asiago cheese bagel:** i love dramatic lance

 **devilgane:** i mean you do you

 **slayer of uglies:** just for that you can't come to randall's with me anymore

 **devilgane:** oh no how will i survive

 **triple espresso:** he won't bring you a donut you fool

 **devilgane:** S H I T

 **asiago cheese bagel:** u fool

 **asiago cheese bagel:** i'll get u some

 **slayer of uglies:** HUNKATHY NO

 **devilgane:** thanks father

 **triple espresso:** can't believe keith has a daddy kink

 **devilgane:** pidge why do you hurt me like this

 **devilgane:** i don't have a daddy  _kink_ i have daddy  _issues_

 **devilgane:** it's different

 **slayer of uglies:** today's mood

**triple espresso** _changed_ **slayer of uglies** _to_ **daddy issues**

**daddy issues:** this is who i am now

 **asiago cheese bagel:** and nothing will ever change that

**triple espresso** _changed_ **daddy issues** _to_ **anxiety issues**

**anxiety issues:** too real no thanks

**devilgane** _changed_ **anxiety issues** _to_ **lance issues**

**lance issues:** cruel but true

 **lance issues:** cannot beleaf keith is the only one that gets me

 

_lance issues > triple espresso_

**lance issues:** can u send me the answers to the physics lab

**triple espresso** _changed_ **lance issues** _to_ **physics issues**

**triple espresso:** yeah sure

_triple espresso sent (1) picture_

**physics issues:** mmyeah

 **physics issues:** gimme that good stuff

 **triple espresso:** blocked

 **physics issues:** fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had two asiago cheese bagels today i'm content


	12. real sad boi hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lance cries once again because of interp
> 
> aka matt holt 2:return of the itnerp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the worst - shiro  
> gun holtster - matt  
> devilgane - keith  
> physics issues - lance  
> asiago cheese bagel - hunk  
> triple espresso - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

**end me i crave death**

**physics issues** _changed the chat name to_ **hi i hate myself**

 **asiago cheese bagel:** lance no

 **physics issues:** lance yes

 **the worst:** lance are you okay?

 **physics issues:** i mean currently yeah but not earlier

 **gun holtster:** no my sweet son what happened

 **physics issues:** so u know how i was supposed to go to region

 **gun holtster:** with REGION MAN? yeah

 **physics issues:** well i did not

 **physics issues:** i talked with my psychiatrist and we were gonna go

 **physics issues:** i was gonna overcome my issues!! and be the badass bitch i know i am somewhere deep, deep inside of me!

 **physics issues:** very deep

 **physics issues:** i skipped school wednesday bc i was taking a day to prepare

 **physics issues:** thursday was fine i saw my boy kolivan in creative writing and it was a peaceful time

 **physics issues:** friday morning i wake up and instantly launch into a panic attack

 **physics issues:** my dad came in and was like "fook"

 **physics issues:** hunk was already at the door to pick me up while i;m laying in bed crying 

 **physics issues:** the worst part was that kolivan was under the impression that i was going, even though i definitely could have told him yesterday and been fine aruhreuahgaier

 **physics issues:** but hunk told me koli wasn't mad 

 **physics issues:** screech

 **gun holtster:** yeah fuck itnerp

 **blue eyes white dragon:** itnerp

**triple espresso** _changed_ **gun holtster** _to_ **itnerp**

**itnerp:** my fate has been sealed

 **itnerp:** honestly tho koli boy is weirdly understanding sometimes i know he looks like he wants to punch your face through the back of your skull but he's actually a Kind Man

 **asiago cheese bagel:** the only man i trust

 **the worst:** parental shiro wants to say "lance my child u are simply doing the best u can with what you have and people will understand bc ur a good child and if not they don't deserve u" but mentally ill shiro is like "HAHAHAHA MOOD"

 **physics issues:** i appreciate both shiros

 **devilgane:** if it helps i would have kicked kolivan's ass if he was rude

 **asiago cheese bagel:** keith u don't understand he could murder even shiro in cold blood

 **blue eyes white dragon:** yeah my vote is on kolivan

 **physics issues:** can't believe u guys don't believe in keithy

 **physics issues:** i think they would simultaneously kill each other

 **itnerp:** keith would have to get to his final form first

 **devilgane:** when i reach my final form you're my first target matthew

 **itnerp:** shiroooooo~ helpppppp~

 **the worst:** no

 

_devilgane > physics issues_

**devilgane:** seriously though

 **devilgane:** none of that was your fault

 **devilgane:** you were just nervous about being so far from home with a bunch of people you didn't know

 **devilgane:** if anyone ever gives you shit tell them keith motherfucking kogane will shove the flagpole up their asses

 **physics issues:** thanks keithy

 **physics issues:** you really mean a lot to me

 **devilgane:** same to you, lance

 **physics issues:** <3 

 **devilgane:** :))))))


	13. hunk puts on his eyebrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hunk and lance take randall's, just as god intended  
> they have a heart to heart...or something like it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the worst - shiro  
> itnerp - matt  
> devilgane - keith  
> physics issues - lance  
> asiago cheese bagel - hunk  
> triple espresso - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

Lance pounded on the window of Hunk's car, internally cursing his beautiful best friend for not unlocking the car  _before_ he started texting or whatever. "Let me in!" he yelled, hoping that the neighbors wouldn't think he was a complete fucking lunatic.

Oh well. Not like he had ever done anything to dispel that.

Hunk jumped in his seat, but gave him a friendly smile as he unlocked the door. Lance crawled in, sighing dramatically as he hooked his ankle around the door handle and tugged it closed. 

"Bagels, stat," he muttered, only buckling himself in after Hunk gave him a very long, very pointed look. "Also, why is your hair wet?"

"My sister wanted a fake tan for prom, so I told her I'd do it with her," Hunk said, shrugging softly. "Couldn't shower until this morning, and I didn't wake up until I got your text anyway."

Lance raised one (delicately shaped and plucked) eyebrow pointedly. "Both you and Sefina are plenty tan as it is," he pointed out. "Why did she want more?"

"She was insecure that the lack of sun she's been getting ruined her so-called 'Islander charm,'" Hunk explained. "Either way, my hair is wet, my eyebrows aren't on, and I'm going to have a damn doughnut today even if that means I explode because I deviated from Sefina's stupid diet plan."

"You spoil her too much." As he said that, Lance tapped out a message on his phone.

 

_physics issues > devilgane_

**physics issues:** hunk n i are going to randall's

 **physics issues:** u probs won't be awake to read this message but if u are let me know if u want anything???

 **physics issues:** otherwise ur toast

 

"Texting Keith again?" Hunk asked, eyes firmly on the road ahead but voice clearly interested.

Lance snorted. "Yeah? We're friends now, Hunk of love. Thought that was what you wanted."

Hunk just smiled. 

Of course, immediately after, he swore louder and more creatively than Lance had thought possible, since he had almost missed the turn into the parking lot, and executed at  _least_ a ninety degree turn to get them back on track.

"What the  _hell,_ Hunk?!"

Hunk grinned sheepishly. "Bagels on me?"

"The bagels are  _always_ on you."

* * *

They slid back into their seats in comfortable silence after getting their breakfasts, chewing quietly as Hunk pulled out of the parking lot, driving the short distance to school. "Did Keith not text you back?" Hunk asked, rummaging blindly through his small makeup bag as he drove.

"Nah," Lance replied, unlocking Hunk's phone and pulling up one of his own playlists. "Doesn't matter, though. Got something for him anyway, because I'm just great like that."

"A kind boy."

They pulled into the parking lot a solid thirty minutes before they needed to be in class and continued eating, Lance pulling out his phone once more.

 

_physics issues > devilgane_

**physics issues:** got you a hostess cupcake

 **devilgane:** just one?

 **physics issues:** HE LIVES

 **physics issues:** yes, just one, because you didn't answer me when i asked if u wanted anything

**devilgane** _changed_ **physics issues** _to_ **cupcake**

**cupcake:** aw i feel soft now

 **devilgane:** you are soft

 

"Lance, you're grinning," Hunk pointed out ever so helpfully, though how he knew despite the fact that he was peering into his rearview mirror to add definition to his already enviable eyebrows, Lance didn't know.

"I'm being showered in the praise I deserve."

"I say  _one thing_ about your hair being out of place, and suddenly all of our friendship is for nothing." Hunk briefly glanced at him. "Who, though?"

"Just Keith."

It was at that exact moment that Lance spotted a red jacket clad figure running across the parking lot to their car. He gestured at Hunk to roll down the window, then stuck his head out of the car.

"Hey dumbass!" Lance yelled, a wide grin on his face. "Come to get your cupcake, or what?"

The wide grin on Keith's face was all the answer he needed.

 

**hi i hate myself**

**itnerp:** wait how did our resident REGION MAN do at REGION

 **blue eyes white dragon:** o shit yeah how did my sweet son do

 **the worst:** we are [user]

 **asiago cheese bagel:** oh it was a fucking bloodbath!!!

 **asiago cheese bagel:** i got dead last

 **itnerp:** it's what he deserves

 **blue eyes white dragon:** you were too beautiful for those ugly bitches

 **the worst:** MOOD

 **blue eyes white dragon:** not helpful???

 **the worst:** i'm not sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a rogue non text chapter  
> don't worry we'll have text shenanigans once more
> 
> also yeah my best friend didn't do well at regionals :((( leave her nice comments   
> or don't she's already insufferable dhgiuehguehg


	14. he's just...ugh-ly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keef is stupid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the worst - shiro  
> itnerp - matt  
> devilgane - keith  
> cupcake - lance  
> asiago cheese bagel - hunk  
> triple espresso - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

**SCHOOL BINCHES**

**triple espresso:** good morning naughty children

 **cupcake:** henlo monsieur pidgeot

 **triple espresso:** an uncanny gift to always know my gender

 **asiago cheese bagel:** he's magic

 **cupcake:** ;)

 **devilgane:** did you need smth

 **triple espresso:** one of lance's timed writings tbh

 **cupcake:** they definitely aren't on whatever yours are supposed to be about???

 **triple espresso:** i just need an argumentative essay

 **cupcake:** oh then that's fine by me 

 **cupcake:** if u had asked for my other rhetorical one it was shit

 **asiago cheese bagel:** why did you not ask me for any of mine

 **devilgane:** i told him that lance had a really good one about contrails that he wasn't using

 **cupcake:** yeah i offered it to keith actually, but the one he wrote was way better than mine sorry pidge :((

 **devilgane:** lance yours is really good

 **triple espresso:** "no  _your_ dick is prettier"

 **asiago cheese bagel:** hahuierhg hahaha

 **devilgane:** what the fuck???

 **cupcake:** lmao 

 **cupcake:** we just appreciate a couple of good contrail essays

**triple espresso:** _mhm_

**triple espresso:** _interesting_

**cupcake:** when can i give you the essay pidgeon

 **triple espresso:** oh can we meet by kolivan's room?? i wanna ask him if i can skip novice debate

**asiago cheese bagel:** _good fucking luck_

 

_devilgane > triple espresso_

**devilgane:**???

 **triple espresso:** oh come on keith

 **triple espresso:** that was really gay, even for you

 **devilgane:** damn i just wanted to validate my friend????

 **devilgane:** please don't fuck with me on this pidge

 **devilgane:** i want to be his friend

 **triple espresso:** sounds like you want to be more than that

 **devilgane:** no

 **devilgane:** and you're fucking impossible

 **triple espresso:** lmao sorry i just want my boyz to be happy

 **devilgane:** understandable i guess

 **triple espresso:** mothman?

 **devilgane:** what's up dark link

 **triple espresso:** i appreciate you

 **devilgane:** i appreciate you too

 

_cupcake > the worst_

**cupcake:** hey is keith okay

 **the worst:** i think??? should i be worried???

 **cupcake:** NO no no 

 **cupcake:** he's fine i think he was just in a mood earlier so i was wondering

 **the worst:** nah he's fine

 **the worst:** but

 **the worst:** i don't think he would turn away a friendly face or two

 **the worst:** he tends to hole himself up sometimes

 **cupcake:** i do it too i understand

 **cupcake:** i might steal him for some baskins after school

 **the worst:** understandable have a nice day

 

_the worst > devilgane_

_the worst sent (1) screenshot_

**devilgane:** AHHHHHHH

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *chants* soft klance soft klance soft klance
> 
> yell at me @miraculouslyunlucky on tumblr


	15. randall's is CANCELED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lance and hunk can't go to randall's anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the worst - shiro  
> itnerp - matt  
> devilgane - keith  
> cupcake - lance  
> asiago cheese bagel - hunk  
> triple espresso - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

**hi i hate myself**

**cupcake:** sad news lads

 **cupcake:** as of today, hunk and i will no longer be making stops at randall's for brekky anymore

 **blue eyes white dragon:** but the  _bagels_

 **cupcake:** i know :c

 **cupcake:** we saved the universe is going on a north american tour though

 **cupcake:** i've stanned them for three and a half  _years_ i will literally perish from jealousy if i don't get to go

 **cupcake:** red paladin is so fucking hot???

 **devilgane:** uh uh blue paladin is adorable and the best

 **cupcake:** KEITH 

 **cupcake:** MY NEW BEST FRIEND

 **cupcake:** YOU KNOW WSTU???

 **devilgane:** god i taught myself guitar so i could be the red paladin????

 **devilgane:** red's look is the best but blue is an angel and i love him so much

 **blue eyes white dragon:** personally i liked their last black paladin she was a babe

 **cupcake:** QUEEN

 **triple espresso:** HEY FOCUS PEOPLE WHAT AM I GOING TO DO FOR COFFEE NOW

 **asiago cheese bagel:** maybe you'll drive your own damn self

 **triple espresso:** I DON'T HAVE A CAR

 **triple espresso:** OR A LICENSE

 **itnerp:** ruh roh ridgey

 **triple espresso:** MATTHEW

 **itnerp:** uh uh no thanks i'm not going to be responsible for your caffeine headaches

 **the worst:** pidge you can have some of my brew

 **triple espresso:** BLESS

 **itnerp:** SHIRO I RESPECTED YOU

 **the worst:** your first mistake

 **the worst:** but pidge you gotta run over to get it 

 **triple espresso:**...you drive a hard bargain

 **blue eyes white dragon:** shiro the subtle manipulator

 **cupcake:** you wanna feed me while you're at it

 **the worst:** keith can bring you breakfast

 **cupcake** _changed_ **devilgane** _to_ **breakfast boy**

 **breakfast boy:** i guess this is who i am now

 **cupcake:** keith PLEASE i'd love and adore you forever

 **breakfast boy:** yeah just text me what u want whenever 

 **cupcake:** hear me now laid ease I LOVE KEITH

 **asiago cheese bagel:** shit damn i wish

 **asiago cheese bagel:** i have to eat protein bars for breakfast now 

 **asiago cheese bagel:** we on a diet laid ease and genteel men

 **the worst:**??

 **asiago cheese bagel:** athletic diet we good 

 **the worst:** okay cool

 

_breakfast boy > the worst_

**breakfast boy:** he's perfect

 **the worst:** alright romeo

 **breakfast boy:** what does that make lance

 **the worst:** a boy in a dress

 **breakfast boy:** FUUUUUUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my best friend and i are saving up for bts tickets  
> also, the band name is from another voltron fic of mine, love is madness! you should check it out ehehe


	16. holy SHIT y'all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> panicked texan keith gets knifed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the worst - shiro  
> itnerp - matt  
> breakfast boy - keith  
> cupcake - lance  
> asiago cheese bagel - hunk  
> triple espresso - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura

**SCHOOL BINCHES**

**cupcake** _changed the chat name to_ **thotobots roll out**

 **cupcake:** do you think guys don't look each other in the eye because it's gay

 **triple espresso:** keith makes eye contact with guys a lot

 **triple espresso:** so yes

 **breakfast boy:** it's to intimidate

 **triple espresso:** it's both

 **asiago cheese bagel:** it's 3:47 in the morning shut the FUCK up

 **cupcake:** the king has spoken, my curiosity sated

 **cupcake:** good night my lieges

 **breakfast boy:** i'm not your liege????

 **asiago cheese bagel:** shut UP

 

**hi i hate myself**

**breakfast boy:** holy SHIT y'all

 **asiago cheese bagel:** KEITH

 **breakfast boy:** HUNK MY TIRE WAS STABBED THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR SLEEP

 **blue eyes white dragon:** don't you mean slashed??

 **breakfast boy:** well they punctured the tire and left the knife in there so no

 **breakfast boy:** i do mean stabbed

 **blue eyes white dragon:** amateur 

 **breakfast boy:** yeah i mean it's kinda funny

 **breakfast boy:** BUT MY 4RUNNER

 **the worst:** keith take the bike today

 **cupcake:** i wasn't gonna wake up but i heard bike??

 **itnerp:** jesus lance we know u thristy

**blue eyes white dragon** _changed_ **itnerp** _to_ **thristy**

**blue eyes white dragon:** perish

 **thristy:** damn

 **breakfast boy:** okay but whomst hates me enough to stab my tire

 **triple espresso:** me 

 **breakfast boy:** did u do it

 **triple espresso:** no

 **breakfast boy:** then we're still at a loss aren't we

 **cupcake:** i just want to know if keith is gonna let me ride on his bike

 **the worst:** his trike

 **breakfast boy:** perish shiro

 **the worst:** damn i'm trying

**blue eyes white dragon** _changed_ **blue eyes white dragon** _to_ **solitaire**

**solitaire:** the game is fun and also i hate you all

 **cupcake:** valid i love you have a nice day

 **solitaire:** love you too sweet sun


	17. summer fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the paladins had a wild summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the worst - shiro  
> thristy - matt  
> breakfast boy - keith  
> cupcake - lance  
> asiago cheese bagel - hunk  
> triple espresso - pidge  
> solitaire - allura

_**TAKASHI "THE WORST" SHIROGANE** _

_**OPERATION: LAY DOWN AND DIE** _

Shiro probably had the best summer out of the gang. He didn't move from his bed unless it was to go to work. Otherwise, he slept. Although, he  _did_ go on a two week bender where he ate exclusively vegan food. Keith came over to my house and stayed there during that time.

_**MATTHEW "THRISTY" HOLT** _

_**OPERATION: UWU** _

Matt spent the entire summer being peak waste of life, and I have to say, I was actually pretty entertained. June was the declared month of uwu, where he decided to exclusively talk like a really obnoxious furry for the extent of the month. I  _think_ Shiro was planning murder, but it also could have been an elaborate suicide scheme. Honestly, I was very tempted to join in. July was the month of incel, where he called Allura a femoid until she lost her mind and probably would have beat him half to death if Shiro hadn't been there. That happened July 6th. The rest of the month was a blessed respite. August was the month of Chad, and when the Holt family took a vacation to the beach, he actually ended up fitting in pretty well! Overall, a successful summer.

**_KEITH "BREAKFAST BOY" KOGANE_ **

**_OPERATION: JOB HUNT_ **

Keith managed to work four jobs over the summer - and lose two of them in the first week. He lost his job at Zumiez because some kid called him a poser skater, and he cussed him out until his manager called security. Naturally, he applied next door at Spencer's and got in. He lost his job at Vans after an adult man in his 40s challenged him to a kick flip contest, and he busted his chin open. Now he works at Dunkin' and Spencer's, and he absolutely hates both, which fits the aesthetic of one more than the other.

**_LANCE "CUPCAKE" MCCLAIN_ **

**_OPERATION: JOB HUNT 2: THE SUCCESSFUL ONE_ **

Lance has only managed to acquire two jobs over the course of his life - both of which he applied to during the summer. He actually managed to save over a thousand dollars towards a new laptop until Keith, Hunk, and I came over and we bought about eight new Playstation games. Now he's sitting solidly at 800, and I'm very proud of him. I dunno what will happen when he gets bored with the new ones, though. He also went to Cuba, but had to come back early when his sister got sick. Thanks, V!

**_HUNK "ASIAGO CHEESE BAGEL" GARRETT_ **

**_OPERATION: HAGS!_ **

Hunk, unlike the rest of us, actually went places this summer! He went back to Samoa to visit family for almost all of July, and let me tell you, we were an absolute  _mess_ without his influence. He does, however, have a bunch of seashells, and he brought back souvenirs for all of us! Lance got a whole basket, and boy, did he boast about that forever. He also went to Hawaii as a family reunion, and he brought back even more souvenirs. That time, Lance got a tiki tower, and I think he died on the spot. 

**_ALLURA "SOLITAIRE" ALTEA_ **

**_OPERATION: WHAT DO U NEED_**

Allura actually had a fairly tame summer, considering that she normally takes lavish trips with Coran. Instead, this was her "summer of hobbies", where she tried about seven different activities - knitting, sewing, crocheting, an awful lot of clothes making, now that I think about it - and she rocked them all, naturally. I got a new shirt, Shiro got a beanie, and Matt got a sweater for the robot he was building, which was honestly the most adorable thing I've ever seen in my entire life. 

**_PIDGE "TRIPLE ESPRESSO" HOLT_ **

_**OPERATION: RECONNAISSANCE** _

****This summer, I was the biggest busybody in the world. I kept tabs on everyone with my new minibot tech (with their permission, of course ;) ), and Coran paid me about twenty dollars for any hot gossip learned with them, give or take a few depending on the quality. Taking the beach trip with the family was fun, but I got burned all over, and Matt called me Crabstick for a week until I dunked him in the ocean. Either way, I'm starting a new year of school!

Best of luck to us all!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heya!!!! it's good to be back babey!!!  
> since i've seen you last, i've gotten two jobs (and still work at both of them - but not for long), and started my senior year! 
> 
> tbcc is back in business now, though, and after i quit one of my jobs (lol) i should have more time (lolol)
> 
> if you can guess what one of my jobs was (incidentally, the one i'm quitting, and the one i've had the longest), i'll give y'all a cameo or a shoutout or smth! hint: i'm p damn sure that it's been mentioned at least once in this fic, but i'm not positive lololol
> 
> i missed you guys! anyway, tbcc is canon and voltron isn't, so come for me if you want but there's no way i'm EVER gonna write keith as straight
> 
> come visit me on tumblr @alistcir!! i have commissions open, and i'll write some sweet voltron goodness just for you


	18. doin' it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bitches go to school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the worst - shiro  
> itnerp - matt  
> breakfast boy - keith  
> cupcake - lance  
> asiago cheese bagel - hunk  
> triple espresso - pidge  
> blue eyes white dragon - allura
> 
> this bitch dedicated to my best friend in the gotdamn world

**SUMMERTIME GLADNESS**

**triple espresso:** son of a bitch i am so tired

 **cupcake:** do not even speak to me about being tired

 **cupcake:** i have closed every night for the past two weeks and i just want to sleep

 **asiago cheese bagel:** all of you shut your whore mouths i'm dying

 **the worst:** consider this: quit literally ONE thing and you will be so much fucking happier!

 **asiago cheese bagel:** i mean.....i could also live in stress forever

 **breakfast boy:** i uhhhhhh am tired and all i do is help the occasional stoner so idk how you're doing it hunk

 **asiago cheese bagel:** it really be like that sometimes

 **solitaire:** _hunk_

 **cupcake:** it really fo

 **cupcake:** *fo

 **cupcake:** **do

 **thristy:** fo

 **triple espresso** _changed_ **cupcake** _to_ **fo**

 **fo:** shizzle

 **triple espresso** _changed_ **fo** _to_ **cupcake**

 **breakfast boy:** that's how it be sometimes

 **solitaire:** seriously, though, hunk, i wish you'd take a break and relax instead of working yourself half to death

 **asiago cheese bagel:** suck my benis

 **cupcake** _changed_ **asiago cheese bagel** _to_ **benis**

 **benis:** ah, so that's how it be

 **breakfast boy:** _anime voice_ ah, so i see how it be! 

 **the worst:** the one time i try to be a responsible adult....and this is how u treat me.......

 

_breakfast boy > cupcake_

**breakfast boy:** why do we all work so gotdamn much

 **cupcake:** idk but i am THRIVING

 **cupcake:** i'm selling memberships like i sell coffees - frequently and with a fair amount of thottiness

 **breakfast boy:** SJFOUHERUHTEH

 **breakfast boy:** SHUT UR GAY

 **breakfast boy:** also you're quitting a job because you're TIRED don't give me this thriving bullshit

 **breakfast boy:** none of us know what the word means

 **cupcake:** grow or develop well or vigorously.

 **breakfast boy:** there's a period you literally copy pasted

 **cupcake:** no i did not. fuck u.

 **cupcake:** also ur scar has healed over p nicely

 **breakfast boy:** really??? i thought it made me look kinda like a badass, but shiro laughed when i asked him

 **cupcake:** no u def look like one of those grizzled beefcakes on the front of a romance novel

 **cupcake:** every woman's fantasy lololol

 **breakfast boy:** i think that's a compliment??? so thank you haha

 **cupcake:** natch

 **cupcake:** ur a hottea keef

 **breakfast boy:** lol thanks

 

_breakfast boy > the worst_

**breakfast boy:** he called me a hoTTIE

 **the worst:** LMAO


End file.
